Health Information

Grief is a process that although we would wish otherwise, it cannot be bypassed, hurried, or rushed. Grief must be allowed to happen. We do not go through grief and come out the other side as before the loss. Grief changes people.

When it comes to children and grief, we should be open, honest, and gentle when children lose someone they love. Do not force them to attend a funeral if they do not want to, but give each child a chance to devise meaningful family rituals to observe the death, and have the child participate in some service or observance (eg, lighting a candle). Allow each child a chance to talk at family meetings, which should be held perhaps once a week. Ask the child about guilt, which is common after a death ("I said I wanted my brother to die after he took my crayons, and he did!"). Do not be afraid to cry in front of your children. When a child dies, parents commonly are so caught up in their grief that they do not or cannot reach out to their other children to support and comfort them. As tough as it is, parents must be there for surviving children.

Some factors can interfere with the resolution of grief. Try to avoid these if at all possible:

• Avoiding emotions
• Over-activity leading to exhaustion
• Use of alcohol or other drugs
• Unrealistic promises made to the deceased
• Unresolved grief from a previous loss
• Judgmental relationships
• Resentment of those who try to help

The following are a few helpful tips that you can do:

• Allow yourself to experience the pain of grief.
• Having someone to share grief with may well be helpful if you are the type of person who likes to talk. You may feel comfortable in confiding feelings to a friend, family member, member of the clergy, or health professional.
• Read uplifting books or articles.
• Keep a diary or journal.
• Do not hesitate to talk about the person who died, and encourage others to talk of the person who died.
• Avoid seeking relief through alcohol, smoking, medication, or drugs.
• Eat a balanced diet.
• Try to get into a regular daily routine.
• Begin or continue exercise.
• Get help in the following instances:
• You have continued difficulty sleeping.
• You have substantial weight gain or loss.
• You experience prolonged emotional distress (>6 mo).
• You are overcome by suicidal thoughts (ie, encountering them daily, and they are central to your thinking).

Mentor Me Community Support will be able to help.
Programs are currently being developed and will soon be available

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